When I was newly ordained and had just begun my career, I had responsibilities for making connections between my parish church and a children's treatment center, which had metamorphosed from an orphanage to a child care facility with not a few troubled children and teens among its resident population. Along the way, I encountered Alan Keith-Lucas, who at the time was a leader in the field of child care at Chapel Hill. Dr. Keith-Lucas wrote a book that has been in my library ever since, surviving every down-sizing I have gone through. It is called Giving and Taking Help.
The essence of the book is about distinguishing between what is truly helpful and what only masquerades as "help." One of my cardinal principles is that I am not being helpful if I am doing for someone what he or she can do as well or better than I. And the same goes for others. That guides and shapes what I do in my consulting work, as well as in my counseling practice. The chief tool in my kit is asking questions. And one that I usually start with is, "What do you want to happen?" That begins a conversation in which a person (you) can begin to articulate what outcome you hope for. The next step is to ask what has to happen in order for you to get there. The process is all about discovering what you already have, but which might not yet be being used optimally. And when something is needed that you yourself cannot supply, it's the consultant's job or the counselor's job to help you either refigure what you need or to get what you don't have.